I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize