I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
