Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Someone shattered a urinal.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
