FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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