When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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