I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
