I'm eating all of the evidence.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize