someone get that fucking seahorse.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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