the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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