my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
