Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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