Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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