You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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