a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
