And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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