So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
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