Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
