I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
