Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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