I saw his package. It spoke to me.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
