i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
