Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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