why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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