Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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