hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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