wakey wakey hands off snakey
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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