Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
