I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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