her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
