mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
