yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Watching her eat just hurts me
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
