HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
