how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
