Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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