thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
