hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
