she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
