The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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