we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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