I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
