I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
It's like God shit irony all over that family
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
