Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
