If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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