Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
kristin has been a bad kristin
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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