I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
