1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
