1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
