i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just blew my weed a kiss
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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