Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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