why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
