I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Gay?
German.
Pity.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
