She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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