Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
