And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
