just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just invented taco cereal.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
