Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
