I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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