so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
