also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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