margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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