I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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