yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
