god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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