Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
