Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Still dying that you shit outside
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
