I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
