i need an iv and a liver transplant
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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