thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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