This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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