he wants to bone in the snuggie
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
