Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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