exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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