My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize